


The Glade

by kakashisgf



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Uchiha Itachi, BAMF Haruno Sakura, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Foreplay, Forest Sex, Forests, No Uchiha Massacre, Sparring, This is Kind of Becoming a Slow Burn, but hopefully not too much, somewhat ooc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24801613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakashisgf/pseuds/kakashisgf
Summary: Prompt from the lovely @peachandbetty:Sakura had two great loves in this world; her reading time and the quiet little glade on the far side of the forest. Unfortunately for her, it seems uchiha Itachi had much of the same idea. It was time to get territorial.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Itachi
Comments: 129
Kudos: 363





	1. Finders Keepers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peachandbetty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachandbetty/gifts).



> This is just a little non-mass fluff and (probable) smut story inspired by @peachandbetty. I owe the ladies on Discord (especially peach and @mshiroi) for convincing me to try my hand at ItaSaku. As it is my first time, please bear with me ... non-mass!Itachi is somewhat difficult for me to imagine, so he may come across as OOC. I've also taken a few liberties with ranks.

Sakura sighed in relief as she shrugged off her white coat and hung it on the hook in her office. It had been a long day, but her shift was finally over, and all she wanted to do was relax with a book in her glade. Thankfully, the weather was perfect for it—blue skies, puffy white clouds, shining sun, and a light breeze.

Perfect.

After a furtive check to make sure no one was nearby, she pressed the underside of the bottom desk drawer. A hidden compartment sprang open, and she quickly snatched the book inside before closing the compartment again.

Sakura would never admit to exactly _which_ sort of novel she preferred to read … she could just imagine Kakash-sensei’s smug eye crease and Naruto’s endless teasing were they to find out. She’d bet even Sasuke would slip in an off-handed jab or two.

No, her reading material was her business and her business alone, she thought, tucking the book into her pouch. For extra protection from spying eyes, she’d wrapped it in a paper cover that disguised it as an innocuous medical text, so her secret should be safe as long as the book didn’t fall into anyone else’s hands—and she would make sure it didn’t.

Coat off and book obtained, Sakura left her office through the window to ensure that no one could stop her with questions or requests for assistance … after working three doubles in a row, she figured she deserved a break, so, using the rooftops, she headed out of the village proper, keeping her senses extended to make sure she wasn’t followed. More important even than making a clean getaway from the hospital was protecting her destination—her glade was _her glade_ , her personal escape, and she didn’t want anyone else to know about it.

When she reached the forest, she slowed her pace. There was no need to rush through the trees; walking amidst the lush green leaves of midsummer made Konoha seem to fade away, like the journey through the dense woods was a sort of bridge between two worlds: the real world of the village and the peaceful world of her glade. 

Sakura had found the small opening in the trees entirely by accident the year prior. On the hunt for new plants to test for potential medicinal use, she'd wandered into a part of the forest she'd never been before, and all of a sudden, there it was. 

Without the trees to block the sun, rays of light shimmered on the soft grass and wildflowers covering the ground, bringing out their rich emerald and rose and lavender and white and pale yellow colors.

The unexpected beauty in the middle of a dense forest had filled her with an immediate calmness, had soothed her in a way she hadn't felt since she was a little girl and her mother gently brushed her hair behind her ears when she didn't feel well. Sakura had known then that this was the place she could go to escape the stresses of missions and running a hospital and dealing with Ino's drama and Naruto's hyperactivity and Sasuke's brooding and Kakashi-sensei's overly observant gazes. This was the place where she could fully relax and let her worries slip away, if only for a few hours. 

Sighing in satisfaction, she propped her back against one of the large trees on the sunny edge of the clearing and settled in to indulge in her favorite guilty pleasure. 

* * *

A little more than an hour later, Sakura was so absorbed in Junko's latest affair that she didn't notice another presence in the glade until a human-shaped shadow fell over the pages. With a noticeable start, she slammed the book closed and looked up to find a man in an ANBU uniform and mask standing above her.

The first feeling to wash through her was embarrassment, both at having been caught unawares and at having been caught unawares whilst reading an adult romance novel. Heart racing and cheeks undoubtedly bright pink, she prayed that he hadn't seen any actual pages and would therefore be fooled by the fake cover ... 

The second feeling to wash through her wasn't so much a feeling as it was an observation: the man currently blocking her sunshine was _fine_. Even with his face covered, she could appreciate the defined (but not bulky) muscles of his arms and the broad (but not _too_ broad) chest that led down to a trim waist just right for wrapping your legs around. Overall, the lines of his body were damn near perfect … and wholly unfamiliar to her. 

As head of the hospital, she was one of the few medics allowed to treat ANBU shinobi, and she thought she'd seen them all at least once over the years, yet she couldn't recall a man who looked quite like this one. 

And she was positive she would have remembered a body like his. 

All of a sudden, she had the thought that he might be an enemy who'd infiltrated the village in a Konoha uniform, and she jumped to her feet into a defensive stance, dropping her book in favor of a kunai.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her embarrassment utterly forgotten in the face of potential danger. 

He didn't say anything for a moment, just tilted his head slightly to the side, and she instinctively gripped her weapon more tightly. 

To her surprise, though, instead of readying himself to fight, he glanced down at the ground behind her. 

"Who would have thought that innocent young Haruno Sakura would grow up to enjoy smutty literature …" he commented, his deep voice steady but colored by a faint hint of amusement. 

Inwardly, Sakura cursed her luck … the book must have fallen open when she dropped it, revealing its unseemly contents. Outwardly, however, she simply frowned. "I'm sorry … do I know you?"

"You won't need that kunai, Haruno-san," the shinobi murmured as he lifted his mask. "It's been a long time, but yes, you know me."

Sakura's eyes widened as the removal of the mask revealed a defined jaw, straight nose, and eyes as inky dark as the sky on a moonless night. His features were notably more mature than they had been when she'd last seen him, but his identity was obvious nonetheless. 

"Uchiha Itachi?" she breathed, her voice robbed from her by her surprise and the knowledge that she had just been blatantly checking out Sasuke’s older brother. She fought back a blush as she tucked her kunai into her pouch and let her shoulders relax. "Did you just get back?"

"I handed my report to the Hokage a few minutes ago," he replied, then said nothing more, and a slightly uncomfortable silence filled the clearing. 

Not for the first time, the Uchiha penchant for saying as little as humanly possible put Sakura in a less than ideal situation, and this particular instance only increased her certainty that they did it on purpose just to aggravate people, like a bunch of ridiculously good-looking trolls. Aside from Shisui and Mikoto-san, the whole lot of them were antisocial jerks, even Sasuke; no matter how much affection she had for him, he was as reticent as any of the others 95% of the time. 

Suppressing a scowl, she decided to attempt to make conversation, seeing as Itachi had yet to leave her in peace and she would prefer not to stand around in awkward silence. "Have you been home yet?" she asked with forced politeness. "Sasuke’s been so worried about you these last— How long have you been gone again?"

"Three years and two months."

"—these last three years and two months. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Sasuke hadn't talked about it, of course, but Sakura had known him since their Academy days and had been his teammate for the last 8 years … she could tell how much he missed his brother by the subtle changes in his body language whenever the topic of Itachi came up and the furrowing of his brow anytime Itachi didn't check in when he was expected to. 

Instead of answering Sakura’s question, though, Itachi seemed to consider her for a moment. Having his dark gaze focused solely on her was honestly a bit unsettling—she knew through Sasuke that he was actually a pacifist (or as much of one as a ninja could be), but she also knew that he was one of the deadliest shinobi in the world, stronger even than Kakashi-sensei. No one could blame her if her heart rate sped up at being the object of such a lethal individual's attention. 

At the thought of his skill level, her stomach unexpectedly flipped, and she flushed. He raised a curious eyebrow. 

… OR maybe the nervousness wasn't born out of fear but was instead a natural biological response to a powerful, attractive man studying her intently ... 

She wanted to hide her face behind her hands Hinata-style, but she forced them to stay at her sides and kept her eyes trained on his. She refused to back down, no matter how strong he was or how deeply his gaze seemed to penetrate her. And in any case, he was _Sasuke's brother_ and five years older than her, not to mention way out of her league in the looks department. He would never think of her that way. 

As if to prove her point, he blinked and turned his head to the side, his evaluation of her apparently complete. 

"It is my custom to come here after a mission," he stated flatly. "By the way …” His gaze slid back to hers. "What _are_ you doing in my glade?" 

_My glade_ … Sakura's eyes narrowed. _My glade …?_ Just who did he think he was? 

"This isn't _your_ glade … it's mine," she said firmly. "And while we're on the subject, you're interrupting my reading."

Though Itachi's face largely remained impassive, she thought she detected a slight clenching of his jaw, and when he spoke, there was an edge to it that hadn't been there before. "I have been coming here since I was twelve years old. I would say my claim holds greater weight than yours."

"You haven't been coming here for the last three years and two months," Sakura argued, matching his curt tone. "You've heard of 'finders keepers', right?" She raised a challenging eyebrow. 

"A juvenile concept," he retorted, and she got the sense that he would have rolled his eyes if he weren't Uchiha Itachi. 

"Okay, then … 'possession is nine-tenths of the law,' and I currently possess this glade." Sakura unconsciously stepped a little closer to him.

He gestured to her, then to himself, then to the space around them. "Technically, we're both in possession of it right now."

Sakura glared at him and took another step forward. "I was here first."

He didn't move, even when she stood a mere foot from him with her fists clenched tightly. "I see you're just as stubborn as you used to be, Haruno _-chan_."

That minute emphasis on the "-chan" when he'd called her "Haruno-san" just minutes before made it clear that he was insinuating that she was still a child, and it quite frankly pissed Sakura off. Straightening her back to bring herself a little closer to his height, she took that last step forward until she was in his face.

"And I had no idea you were such an asshole, Uchiha- _sama,_ " she ground out. 

One corner of his mouth twitched up into a slight smirk. "It's a positive sign that you've finally acknowledged that I'm your superior." 

"Why you …" Sakura gritted her teeth together. "I thought you were supposed to be the polite one."

Itachi's slight smirk curled into a full smirk that she refused to find incredibly sexy. "I'm polite where politeness is warranted."

It seemed that the irritation he had felt before had dissipated into amusement at her expense, which only aggravated Sakura more. She had to take a deep breath to keep her notorious temper from getting the best of her. "You're more talkative than I remember … did you actually manage to find a personality for yourself on your mission?"

It felt better than it should have to see his smirk fade as his gaze narrowed. 

"Though I have to say," she continued smugly, "you could've found a better one."

He leaned forward a fraction of an inch, purposefully drawing attention to the difference in their heights. "You can be rather annoying, can't you?"

At that term, Sakura reflexively stiffened, then quickly turned away in an attempt to hide the hurt and bitterness it had elicited. Why did he have to use that word? Of all the synonyms for what he wanted to express, he had to pick that exact one. Even nowadays, when Sasuke had finally recognized her skills, the way her former crush had felt about her when they were younger still stung, and nothing reminded her more of it than to be called "annoying."

"It's getting late, and I have to make dinner," she announced brusquely, bending down to pick up her book.

To his credit, when she turned toward Itachi again, she saw a flicker of regret in his dark eyes. 

"I apologize," he murmured, sounding sincere even though she knew it was unlikely that he understood exactly what he'd done to upset her. 

Nonetheless, she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge his apology, the nerve it had struck too raw. 

"This isn't over, Uchiha," she vowed instead, and with a final steady look at him, she took to the trees. 

* * *

It was just over a week before she saw Itachi again.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she scowled as she entered the glade. 

It was another perfect summer day, and the beams of sunlight that broke through the leaves caught on Itachi’s outstretched legs, bathing them in a warm, yellow glow while the tiny dust motes and flitting bugs in the rays seemed like flakes of gold dancing around him. Even though his face remained shadowed by the tree against which he sat, when he lifted his eyes to her, she could see their hypnotic blackness framed by the equally dark locks of hair that fell beside his cheeks. 

She hated that he could be so beautiful when he was such a dick. 

"I hardly think it strange that I would be here, given that it's _my_ place," Itachi replied blithely, making no move to stand. 

Sakura leveled a steely gaze at him. "You keep saying that, but it doesn't make it true."

"Whether or not you agree is beside the point, given that your opinion on the matter doesn't count," he said, bending one knee to better balance the book he then returned his attention to in a pointed rejection of her presence. 

"My opinion doesn't—?" she huffed incredulously. "Who are you to decide whose opinion counts and whose doesn't?" 

He didn't look up from his book, and she tried to glare a hole into the top of his head.

Itachi just let out something close to an exasperated sigh. "I'm an ANBU captain; you're just a jounin. Therefore, I outrank you, so if I say your opinion doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Shinobi handbook sections 1.5 to 1.9 are quite clear on the subject of chain of command," he said. He sounded bored. 

Sakura bristled. "I'll have you know that I'm head of the hospital and right-hand woman to the Hokage," she argued. "The number of people who report to me far exceeds the number who report to you … My sphere of influence is way bigger."

Itachi lifted his head to raise an unimpressed eyebrow at her. "And yet I outrank you."

Sakura just barely stopped herself from stomping her foot on the ground petulantly. "You are infuriating," she hissed. 

"I fail to see how it's my fault that you're upset over facts," he returned, the ghost of an arrogant, amused smirk teasing at his lips.

In that expression, Sakura suddenly realized something. 

"You're enjoying this!" she sputtered. "Are you enjoying this?!"

"I have to admit, it is a bit fun to watch your hackles raise," he mused. "You become rather like an angry pink kitten." 

Though a part of her recognized that he was baiting her, the rest was too pissed off to care. 

"'Kitten'? I'll show you 'kitten' when I punch you through that tree and ten of them behind it," she growled, funneling chakra to her fist. 

Itachi sighed dramatically and put his book into his pouch, then got to his feet and walked over to her, his pace unhurried. When he stood in front of her, he leaned down, bringing his face to her level. 

Surprised, wary, and, honestly, maybe a wee bit turned on by his new proximity, Sakura felt her heart beating rapidly in her chest, the sound of it pounding in her ears. This close, she could see flecks of chocolate brown mixed in with the black of his eyes, and she could have counted his long, dark eyelashes if she'd wanted to. 

She tried not to want to.

Her internal struggle with finding him attractive in spite of his shitty personality was interrupted when Itachi abruptly tapped two fingers to the center of her forehead, right on the byakugou-no-in. She frowned in confusion. 

He smiled teasingly. "If you punch me through those trees, Haruno-chan, you'll ruin this perfect space. I'm sure you don't want that now, do you?"

Before she could say anything in response, he was already at the edge of the clearing, his head turned back to look at her over his shoulder. 

"Enjoy your smut," he drawled, then jumped onto the nearest tree branch, leaving her standing there, cheeks burning. 

"I will …" she grumbled in his direction before throwing herself down vindictively on the spot he'd just vacated. "Asshole."

* * *

Even four days after their encounter, Sakura was still irritated that Itachi drew so much amusement out of irritating her (not to mention embarrassed by his little reminder that he knew her deepest, darkest secret), and she was determined to get him back. Knowing his skill level, she figured traditional ninja traps wouldn't work, so she decided to take a page out of adolescent Naruto’s book ... 

After all, no one said she had to be mature all the time, and besides, she was nice enough to make sure the thumbtacks she was currently gleefully hiding in the grass where Itachi liked to sit were only long enough to prick him through his pants … they wouldn't do any real damage, unlike the ones she was sure Naruto would have used. 

Once she put the last tack in place, she settled down to read while she waited for Itachi to arrive; she knew he was due back from his current mission within the next few hours (being the Hokage's protégé did have its benefits), so she had time to relax, and she planned to do exactly that. 

* * *

Itachi returned earlier than she'd expected; only a couple of hours had passed by the time he appeared in the glade, where she was propped up against a tree opposite his favorite spot. 

"Is that actually _A History of Herbs in Southern Earth Country_ , or are you disguising porn again?" was the first thing out of his mouth when he lifted his ANBU mask.

"My reading material is none of your business," she sniffed, willing her cheeks not to flush, because her book was most definitely _not_ on the subject of herbs. 

… Well, unless you counted that time Junko lured in a target with the promise of "some grade-A weed," but that was neither here nor there. 

Itachi looked down at her. "It is my business if you insist on tainting my precious space with that drivel."

The disdain in his voice didn't match the teasing light in his eyes, and in spite of herself, she had to force back a smile. "Don't tell me that big, bad Uchiha Itachi is a virgin …"

"Hardly," he returned easily. "But I do have the decency to read quality smut, not that low-brow series you seem to prefer."

There wasn't an ounce of self-consciousness in his response, and Sakura couldn't tell if she were more disappointed that he wasn't embarrassed or more curious about just what sorts of things he had done in bed (or in, say, a private clearing in the middle of a forest). 

She banished such thoughts from her mind. "Don't let Kakashi-sensei hear you denigrate his favorite books like that," she warned. 

Itachi shrugged. "He is well aware of my opinion."

Sakura’s eyes widened. "Wait a minute … you're telling me you and Kakashi-sensei have had actual conversations about smut?"

"It may have come up a time or two in the field," he admitted with about as much emotion as one would have when revealing that they liked the color blue. 

Still shocked (Uchiha Itachi talking openly about porn?!), Sakura watched as he made his way over to his tree, and she was suddenly reminded of her little plot. 

It took everything she had not to grin deviously and drum her fingers together like a cartoon villain in anticipation. 

"I'll admit I never pegged you as someone who enjoys erotic literature," she said, hoping to distract him from noticing the thumbtacks. 

Itachi turned and raised an eyebrow at her. "You've never pegged me at all, Haruno-san."

…

…

And just like that, Sakura’s world ended. Uchiha Itachi had made a joke.

About pegging. 

It took her brain a minute to reboot, but when it did, the mental images that flashed through her mind made her blush furiously … she'd never thought about doing that with anyone, let alone him, but she was beginning to think she'd been remiss in her fantasy life. 

"You're looking quite flushed. Have I broken you?" he asked, his voice full of faux concern, his lips curled up into a smirk. 

_Not yet, you haven't_ , she thought, a fresh round of very different—though no less enticing—images overtaking her mind.

Itachi chuckled, clearly aware of exactly what he was doing to her, and the rich, low sound of it did nothing to help her cause. 

It wasn't until she heard a muffled but distinctly girly squeak that she snapped out of her lust-induced haze to see Itachi jump up from where he'd apparently sat down while she'd been preoccupied with fantasizing about him. He looked over his shoulder and with a notable frown of displeasure, started pulling thumbtacks one by one out of the back of his pants.

Between the scowl on his face and the memory of the sound he'd made, Sakura couldn't stop herself from laughing, and it wasn't long before tears were streaming down her cheeks. 

"Oh my god, you—" She couldn't even finish her sentence without breaking into another fit. "I can't believe you—"

When he finally got the last one out and turned to stare her down, instead of being intimidated like she probably should have been, all she could think about was the fact that Uchiha Itachi had just had thumbtacks stuck in his ass, and she toppled over onto her side, hands clutching her stomach as she struggled for air. 

"I take it I have you to thank for this?" he said more than asked, his tone unamused.

"So—haha—oh my god, so funny. Your face …" she laughed. "And you _squeaked_ , like actually, legitimately squeaked!"

"I most certainly did not."

"Oh yes," she insisted, managing to sit upright between giggles, "you absolutely did."

His frown deepened.

"You sounded like a little—" She snickered again. "A little girl."

He was nearly glowering at her now, but she caught the faintest of blushes on his cheeks. It was so surprisingly adorable that she was distracted from her laughter. 

"Are you quite finished?" he asked flatly, but the pink tint hadn't faded, so he came across more like a surly schoolboy than the S-class shinobi he was, and it melted her heart. 

"I suppose so," she replied, still smiling. "I'll leave you to your reading." 

She packed up her book, aware of his gaze on her the whole time, and though she wondered what evil fate he was planning for her, she couldn't resist one more jab before heading home. With a cheeky grin, she caught his eyes. "Be careful … I hear there are thumbtacks in the grass around here."

Unwilling to give him the chance to retaliate, she poofed out of the clearing without waiting for a response. 

* * *

The next morning found Sakura walking into a hospital room for her first appointment of the day only to come face-to-face with Itachi, who stood next to the exam table. 

She instantly blanched, suddenly not so sure he wouldn't murder her as payback for the prank she'd pulled. "U-Uchiha-san, what brings you here?" 

"Considering this is a hospital, one could reasonably surmise that I am in need of medical attention, Haruno- _sensei_ ," Itachi replied drily.

Something in his tone had Sakura’s internal danger alert system quickly changing its assessment of the situation from "significant risk of impending doom" yellow to "high risk of impending doom" orange, and she had a sinking feeling that it would be rising to "extreme risk of impending doom" red any minute now.

She took a deep breath and did her best to project a sense of calm in spite of her growing panic. "You didn't seem injured when you got back from your mission yesterday … was there a sparring accident?" she asked. 

Itachi raised his eyebrow slightly. "After a fashion."

Her heart stopped. _Is he_ _—_ _? Surely he wouldn't …_

"You see, Haruno-sensei," Itachi continued, "I received a number of small—you might say 'pinprick-like'—injuries to a rather sensitive part of my anatomy."

_Nonononono … don't ..._

Though Itachi's expression remained impassive, vindictive pleasure was clear in his eyes as he drove the final nail into her coffin. "I fear they may be infected. Would you mind taking a look?"

Sakura just barely kept herself from jumping out the window. "I don't—I don't think that would be appropriate, Uchiha-san ..." she managed.

Itachi feigned confusion. "Are you not a medic?"

"No, I am, I just—" The window was looking more and more appealing by the second. There was no way she could survive examining his naked ass … she'd either pass out from a massive nosebleed or die of embarrassment. 

Or pass out from a massive nosebleed and _then_ die of embarrassment. 

But Itachi didn't let up. "I'm not sure I understand the problem. Surely the Godaime's apprentice has had to treat a wound on someone's backside before?"

 _Not yours!!_ Sakura wanted to shout. Instead, she racked her already-scrambled brains for anything she could use to save herself. "I have … of course … but … I think it would be inappropriate ... in this … particular case ..." 

"And why is that?" The flickering emotion in Itachi’s eyes shifted from vindictive pleasure into a challenge, and she felt a sudden, intense desire to punch him through a wall. 

"You know exactly why!" she snapped.

"I want to hear you say it."

She mentally cursed him and the sexy smirk spreading across his lips. Either way, he won … either she admitted her unwanted attraction to him or—

"Fine! I put the fucking thumbtacks in the grass. Happy?" She glared at him. 

The expression on his face was nothing less than pure triumph. "Immensely."

While Sakura bit back a growl, he tilted his head as though just realizing something. 

"Hm. All of a sudden, I feel fine … it seems I won't need that examination after all. Thank you for your time, Haruno-sensei."

He made a quick seal, and then she was alone in the room. She clenched her first tightly. _This is war, Uchiha!_


	2. A Sticky Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, but I promise it will get less crack-ish soon. Anyone interested in some Itachi POV?
> 
> Also, much thanks to guest reviewer Lea for a particular wordplay on pegging I borrowed for this. I hope they don't mind!

It wasn't there. 

Sakura had followed her usual path, but when she reached the space where her glade should have been, there was nothing but more trees. 

Itachi.

It had to have been Itachi with some damn genjutsu.

Irritation crackling under her skin, she glared at the unwelcome foliage as she attempted to dispel the jutsu, but it was to no avail—her glade was still nowhere to be seen. 

"You'll need to use a bit more chakra than that, Haruno-san," an annoyingly familiar yet disembodied voice remarked. "That is, if you can ..."

Sakura had never wanted to punch someone so badly in her life, except maybe the last time she'd wanted to punch _him_. 

"You know damn well I just came off an 18-hour shift," she growled at the space where she assumed Itachi was sitting behind his jutsu. "If my chakra levels were normal, this cheap genjutsu wouldn't stand a chance."

"Just my luck then."

"Not 'just your luck' … you stalked me, you creep. Michiko-san told me you came in to ask about my schedule for the week."

There was a pause.

"... You know, I do believe that's the first time anyone has ever called me a 'creep'," her invisible nemesis mused. 

Sakura snorted. "That's just because they don't know the real you."

"Tell me, Haruno-san," Itachi started, ignoring her jab, "if looking up someone else's schedule without their permission makes one a 'creep', are you not a creep yourself?"

Sakura automatically flushed, knowing he was referring to the timeliness of her thumbtack attack. "I just happened to be in Shishou's office when she mentioned you would be getting back soon … it's not like I went out of my way or anything." She looked off to the side stubbornly. 

"You'rea bad liar, Haruno-san," Itachi said. "By the way, I received your little note. Exceedingly mature."

At that, Sakura couldn't help but grin—she may or may not have thumbtacked to his favorite tree a sheet of paper declaring that she had "pegged" him after all. "Is that why you've deliberately come here to spoil my day? You couldn't handle a little light-hearted pegging between compatriots?"

"Mm … you seem to be misunderstanding," Itachi murmured. "While I'll admit that I prefer to be on the ... _giving_ … end in the bedroom, it is not your insinuation that I find objectionable." 

Sakura was certain he'd intentionally made his tone rougher as he spoke to ensure that her traitorous mind had no choice but to picture just what it would be like to be on the receiving end of his personal brand of "giving," and she desperately hoped he didn't have his Sharingan on, because if he did, he would no doubt be able to see her pulse racing. 

Willing her heart rate to normalize, she narrowed her eyes in the direction of his voice. "What is it you object to then?"

"I should think that obvious by now."

"Uchiha, I swear to god … if you say me, I will crush you," Sakura threatened, the heat he'd sent swirling in her abdomen quickly changing to a burning irritation.

"I highly doubt that," Itachi replied simply, and she clenched her fists at her sides. 

"Why don't you drop that genjutsu and find out, you arrogant Uchiha bastard?"

He sighed audibly. "Haruno-san, you cannot beat me as you are right now, and you are well aware of that. You should be sleeping, not picking a fight you know you can't win."

" _You're_ the one who picked a fight," Sakura argued, indignant. " _You're_ the one who came here and intentionally set a genjutsu to keep me out of _my_ private space."

"I believe we've already discussed the matter of ownership of this glade," Itachi countered. "But in case you need a reminder, we established that your opinion doesn't matter; ergo, this place is mine." 

His flippant tone very nearly had her blood boiling. For a second, she seriously contemplated activating her byakugou just to give herself enough chakra to break his jutsu and smash his pretty face in, but somehow reason won out in the end … as much as she hated it, he was right about her fighting condition; even with the byakugou, the fatigue in her arms and legs from performing multiple surgeries would hinder her ability to put up a real challenge. 

Of course, it would be a cold day in hell before she'd ever give him the satisfaction of admitting it. 

"I will get you back for this, Uchiha Itachi," she vowed instead, glaring at the area he probably was. "When you least expect it."

"It's rather rude to drop the honorific, isn't it?" he admonished, sounding completely unfazed by her threat. "I don't believe we're well-acquainted enough yet for that, Haruno-san."

"First of all," Sakura retorted, "I don't _want_ to become well-acquainted with you. And second of all, to paraphrase someone we both have the unfortunate circumstance to know, I'm polite when people are worth being polite to."

Itachi made a small "hn" sound that reminded her of Sasuke, and she wondered briefly if Sasuke had learned it from him. Unlike his more reserved younger brother, however, Itachi didn't leave it at that. "I suppose that's fair," he said after a moment. 

Her brow furrowed. "Did you just admit you've been an asshole to me?"

"I did not."

She put her hands on her hips. "Yes, you did … you agreed that I was right not to be polite to you because you're not worth being polite to; _ergo_ , you're an asshole." 

"I recall you being smarter than this, Haruno-san," Itachi sighed. "Perhaps it's fatigue? I merely agreed that people do not have an obligation to be polite if that politeness is not warranted. I did not say that this was one such case."

Sakura’s gaze turned murderous. "Then I guess the Sharingan doesn't help you see as much as I thought it did," she gritted out. "Because this is absolutely 'one such case.'"

"I think we shall have to agree to disagree on that matter, Haruno-san."

Sakura bit back a growl. His nonchalance was getting on her last nerve. "Just you wait, _Uchiha_ …" She made a slashing motion across her throat. 

"I'm looking forward to it," he returned, and she heard in his voice the teasing smirk he was surely wearing. "Perhaps you'll be a bit more creative next time … putting thumbtacks on someone's seat is rather cliché, after all."

Sakura sniffed. "Yeah, well, it's a cliché you fell for."

Tellingly, he did not reply, and she hoped her reminder had gotten under his skin. As it was, if she hadn't been so angry, she would have giggled at the memory of his startled squeak.

"When you least expect it, Uchiha, when you least expect it …" she promised darkly, then turned on her heel to leave, plans for her next move already bouncing around in her mind. 

He may have won the battle, but this war was far from over. 

* * *

Sakura didn't feel an ounce of regret as she checked Itachi's schedule for the fourth time in as many weeks … if she had to be a creep to get her revenge, she would, hypocrisy be damned. 

Since she knew that he would be on high alert upon returning from his missions, she hadn't made any moves after the first few that followed their last encounter. Now that a month and six missions had passed, though, she thought it might just be time to put Operation "Superglue Uchiha Itachi's Sexy Ass to a Tree" into action. 

Thankfully, her experience analyzing the composition of various poisons and medicines afforded her a level of knowledge in chemistry, enough that she had been able to create the exact type of glue she needed for her operation to succeed: strong, odorless, and slow to dry in open air but quick to harden upon contact with fabric. 

To ensure that she timed her attack right, she consulted the mission logs, then placed one inconspicuous Katsuyu at the gate and a second outside the Hokage's office on the day Itachi was due to return. Finally, she waited in the glade with a third Katsuyu, paintbrush and jar of vengeance at the ready. 

When she received word mid-afternoon that he'd entered the village, she quickly slathered the glue along the trunk of his usual tree, starting at about the area his shoulders would rest and moving down to the roots before coating the ground below. Satisfied with her work, she hopped up into a tree across the clearing, concealing her presence.

And then she waited. 

She knew she had about 45 minutes until the glue dried, but she figured his report to the Hokage wouldn't take more than fifteen or twenty, as he'd just been on a simple escort mission, not even ANBU. But if it did happen to run long, the Katsuyu in the Tower would let her know so she could apply a fresh layer. 

It seemed her original estimation was correct, however, for a mere twelve or thirteen minutes had passed before she was alerted that he'd left the Hokage's office. With an evil grin, she clasped her hands together and felt the buzzing thrill of anticipation run through her body. She wasn't at all sure she could catch Itachi off-guard a second time, but she thought there was a decent chance ... she doubted his stuck-up ass had paid enough attention to schoolyard pranks to even know an attack like this was an option. 

Grin widening, she watched as he entered the glade and looked around, presumably for her. When he showed no sign of having detected her presence, her stomach stirred with pride in the knowledge that she had managed to hide from the great Uchiha prodigy. 

_Shannaro!_

A moment later, clearly satisfied that he was alone, Itachi procured a novel from his weapons pouch before finally settling down against the tree. He didn't seem to notice that he was now stuck there, and Sakura had to fight the urge to laugh maniacally as she jumped down from her spot into the clearing. 

When he looked up at her with no sign of surprise on his face, however, she frowned. 

"Ah, Haruno-san," he said, sounding bored. "I was wondering when you would give up hiding in the trees and show yourself."

"Y-you—" she stuttered, his response having knocked the wind out of her sails. She thought she'd fooled him, but ...

"I will say, you're quite good at concealing your presence. However, even a genin would have sensed that malicious intent emanating from you; I felt it before I even got here. You really should work on suppressing your feelings if you truly wish to stay hidden."

Sakura couldn't believe it. This bastard had purposefully acted as if he hadn't recognized her presence, knowing she would eventually reveal herself, and then he had the gall to critique her performance. "You are in _suffer_ able!" she exclaimed, finally finding her voice. 

One corner of his mouth quirked up into the tiniest of smirks. "I do my best."

Reminding herself through her irritation that she still held the upper hand, Sakura raised a tightly clenched fist and lifted a challenging eyebrow. "Since you seem to think you're so much better than me, why don't you get up and prove it?" 

Itachi tilted his head consideringly. "Are you at full strength right now?"

"You bet I am." She pounded her fist into the open palm of her other hand for emphasis. 

"Well, since it seems that violence and childish games are the only things that get through to you, I suppose I shall have to take you up on your offer if I ever expect to be left in peace," he said, his tone more than a little bit patronizing. 

Sakura ground her teeth together. "I don't think there's anything wrong with defending your territory by any means necessary. Now are you going to fight me or what?"

With a put-upon sigh, Itachi made to stand, only to be immediately tugged backward by the clothes that were stuck in the glue. A look of confusion flitted across his face for a split second before he managed to school it back to its usual inscrutability, but that split second was enough to make Sakura grin triumphantly. 

"Having a little trouble there?"

He regarded her flatly. "Truly, Haruno-chan, are you incapable of acting like an adult?"

She shrugged. "I'd say it's more embarrassing that you keep falling for these 'childish' traps, wouldn't you?"

His jaw tightened almost imperceptibly. "It is entirely reasonable to expect that a kunoichi of your supposed caliber would utilize her shinobi skills, not kids' games."

"And that's precisely why I did. 'A ninja should formulate a plan of attack that takes advantage of their opponent's weaknesses' … Shinobi Handbook, chapter 4, section 1," Sakura replied tauntingly; Itachi wasn't the only one who could use the handbook to justify something. "Your problem, aside from being an asshole in nice guy clothing, is that you assume your opponent will only be using shinobi techniques; I just exploited that. And with great success, I might add."

Contrary to her expectations, instead of getting more irritated by her gloating, Itachi's jaw relaxed, and he regarded her thoughtfully. "You do have a point."

"Gee, why don't you sound less surprised by that," she deadpanned.

He shrugged, then tucked his fingers under the bottom of his shirt and started lifting it up. 

At the first sight of toned abs, Sakura blushed. "Wh-what the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm taking off my shirt." His answer was matter-of-fact, and he didn't bother to interrupt his action to give it. 

"Obviously!" she huffed. " _Why_ are you taking off your shirt?"

He paused then to look up at her, his hands holding the end of his shirt just below his pecs. "Because it's stuck to the tree."

Her embarrassment and the unwanted spark of arousal stirring between her legs, along with his deliberate obtuseness, were incredibly frustrating, and Sakura rolled her eyes impatiently. "I _know_ it's stuck to the tree, you jerk—I'm the one who put the glue there."

He blinked indulgently. "If the shirt is stuck to the tree, Haruno-san, and I'm wearing the shirt, then _I'm_ stuck to the tree."

Sakura let out an exasperated breath. "I know … that was the whole point."

As she glared at him, trying not to stare at his bare stomach, she could see his amusement clearly in his dark eyes, even if the rest of his expression indicated that he was oblivious to his effect on her. That mischievous combination produced in her the conflicting urges alternately to punch him and to spread her legs over his lap. Honestly, it wasn't fair … he had no right being that attractive when he was intentionally pissing her off.

"Yes, well, I would prefer not to be stuck to the tree," he said simply, then resumed his task. 

"Qu-quit that! No one wants to see you shirtless!" Sakura sputtered. 

Itachi ignored her and finished removing his shirt, then raised a teasing eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? The blush on your face suggests otherwise."

Sakura somehow managed to keep her mouth from falling open in a mix of indignation and amazement—if she'd thought he looked good in his ANBU uniform, she damn near swooned at the sight of his bare chest, at that muscled expanse of pale skin littered with only a handful of faded scars.

Gathering her wits, she forced her eyes back up to his. "I don't! I'm just surpr—what the hell are you doing now?!"

Her jaw did drop then as she watched his long fingers tug on the drawstring of his pants. 

He stared at her blankly, but she could see how much he was trying not to smirk, and then she was imagining him smirking while shirtless, and her mouth went dry. 

"I'm removing my pants, Haruno-san," he replied, "so that I can detach myself from this tree."

"But …" she protested even as her gaze kept straying to the sharp V of his hips that was being revealed inch by torturous inch. "But what about your clothes? You can't just walk through the village in your underwear!"

Itachi leaned forward slightly, drawing her attention to his rolling abs. "Who said I was wearing underwear?"

He spoke quietly, his voice deep and just a little bit dark, and Sakura squeaked, her blush spreading to the tips of her ears. But the worst part of it all was that she still couldn't seem to stop following the path his hands were tracing over his hips to the tops of his thighs, a thumb hooked under the waistband on either side to drag his pants down as they went. 

"Stop!" she cried again, this time instinctively diving forward to hold his wrists in place before they could go any further. 

To her credit, it only took a moment for her to realize what she'd done, to catch a breath of his woodsy, masculine scent and feel the heat of his half-naked body before she jumped back as though burned. 

"Oh god …" She covered her mouth with one hand. "Oh god, I can't believe I—I didn't mean to do that. I, um, I should go." She knew she was rambling, but she couldn't help it … embarrassment and desire were overwhelming her mind, utterly derailing her thoughts, and all she wanted to do was escape, already forming the hand seal even as she babbled nonsensically.

And then he chuckled, a rich, warm chuckle that shot fire straight to her core. 

Her eyes snapped up to find him laughing softly, amusement written in the subtle crinkles at the corners of his eyes, in the small curve of his lips. He was so handsome in that moment, she thought her knees might give out beneath her. 

"You really are entertaining, Haruno-san," he said, almost wonderingly. "It takes so little to frazzle you."

Sakura just gawked at him as she finally realized that he'd turned the tides of war and made what should have been her victory a triumph for him instead. Even worse, as with his visit to the hospital, he'd managed to do so because he _knew_ that she found him attractive (in spite of herself), and he had no qualms about using that knowledge to his advantage … apparently, she wasn't the only one who remembered chapter four of the Shinobi Handbook.

"I really don't like you," she grumbled with a scowl. 

He raised an unimpressed, if still amused, eyebrow. "How sad for me. Be that as it may, however, I am actually going to need to remove my pants. Unless, of course, you have another way to undo this childish trap …"

With her irritation mostly having faded into resignation at the knowledge that she'd clearly lost this round, Sakura found herself without the only thing that had prevented his attractiveness from becoming essentially all she could think about, and the fact that he was still shirtless didn't help one bit—it took everything she had to respond to his words and not the rippling allure of his stomach. 

"Of course I have a way to undo it … I couldn't very well pollute my space with you stuck to a tree forever," she sniffed, and she was proud of herself for managing to inject a measure of haughtiness into her tone in spite of her distraction. 

Itachi regarded her flatly. "Setting aside your spurious claim on my glade, are you going to provide this means of escape, or should I continue undressing?"

A part of Sakura was annoyed by his jab, while another part was tempted to withhold the solvent she'd created just to see what lay hidden inside his pants. As for the rest of her, she was flat-out embarrassed by the whole affair … things certainly hadn't gone the way she'd expected them to. 

Cheeks pink, she dug into her pouch for the little bottle she knew was there, then tossed it to him. "Let's preserve the sanctity of the trees and save my eyes from being burned out of my skull, shall we?"

Itachi caught the bottle easily without reacting to her snarky comment, then seemed to consider his position. After a moment (wherein Sakura cursed herself for not leaving), he hummed. "As much as it pains me to admit it, it seems that I am going to need your assistance, Haruno-san. The lower part of my back is out of reach."

At that, Sakura cursed herself even more for staying. How did he expect her to get that close to him, to squeeze out solvent all around—even _on_ —his ass (nevermind that he still had his pants on)? She'd already touched him once that day, and once was more than enough, thank you very much. 

...

But he _had_ asked, and (relatively) politely too ...

Her eyes narrowed at him, but she didn't see any sign of mischief in his gaze, so she sighed, shoulders slumping dramatically. "Fiiiiine … I suppose I can help you."

He gave her what she figured counted as a smile in his limited repertoire of facial expressions. "It would be much appreciated, thank you."

"You're going to have to give me something in return, though," she warned as she crouched down beside him, trying not to breathe in too much of his annoyingly appealing scent. 

He handed her the bottle of solvent, and his warm, rough fingers brushed over hers while he leaned his head back against the tree and tilted his chin to look at her. 

She hated that her heart raced at the sight of his dark, unreadable eyes studying her. 

"And what might that be?" he asked, his voice quiet and deep and devastating.

For a second, Sakura had forgotten she'd even said anything, but somehow she recovered and took in a slow breath. "If I get you out, Uchiha-san, the glade is mine." 

He arched an eyebrow. "For the week?"

"For forever," she corrected firmly, though there was a tiny part of her that was saddened by the prospect of losing these little battles, this private competition that only they knew about. 

She shoved that part down viciously. 

The corner of Itachi's mouth twitched in amusement, though he had yet to lift his head from its place against the bark. "For two weeks," he countered. 

"For two months," Sakura argued, willing herself not to be taken in by his handsome face and warm body. 

He finally raised his head to lean forward until his face was mere inches from hers. "One month."

Sakura felt like her heart had made its way into her throat, and she fought the urge to look at his mouth, forced her eyes to remain locked on his. 

Goddamn his ability to remain detached in any situation. 

"Fine. One month," she scowled, knowing that her cheeks were flushed and wishing simultaneously that he would go away and kiss her. 

He held her gaze for another minute that seemed like eons, and then she swore his eyes flickered down to her lips before he pulled back with a small, self-satisfied smile to rest against the tree again. The whole thing pissed her off and turned her on all at the same time, but in the end, she just shook her head and shifted her focus onto her task.

* * *

It wasn't until after she'd freed him and returned to her apartment that Sakura realized that Itachi could have easily used a kage bunshin to apply the solvent … he hadn't needed her help at all, the sadistic jerk; he'd just wanted to punish her even more for violating his person with her super glue, and she'd been too distracted by his abs to notice.

Cursing herself for falling for his trick and then cursing him for pretty much everything bad that had happened to her ever (because somehow it was all his fault, she just knew it), she ignored the fact that she was smiling ruefully, a teeny, tiny corner of her heart feeling a teeny, tiny bit warm and fuzzy for reasons she didn't want to explore, because Uchiha Itachi was the bane of her existence, and that was that. 

It never occurred to Sakura that she might be misreading him entirely ... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Till next time, folks!


	3. Mr. Fancy Pants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! 
> 
> This chapter is a little less ridiculous than the previous two (maybe?). To be honest, I'm not really satisfied with it ... it wasn't supposed to go this way, but Itachi and Sakura refused to cooperate with my original plan, as characters are annoyingly wont to do, so I had no choice but to comply. If nothing else, there is Itachi POV.
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be better. 
> 
> In any case, thank you so for your patience as I stumble through my attempt at ItaSaku. You guys are the best!

Precisely one month and one day after Haruno Sakura’s assault upon his person by super glue, Uchiha Itachi lifted his ANBU mask and activated his Sharingan to examine his favorite tree for traps (of all varieties). 

He liked to think that he and Sakura had come to something of a truce last time, but Itachi, ever prudent and generally disinclined to being subjected to yet another juvenile prank, felt it best to double-check before sitting down. After all, one could never be too sure where volatile tempers were concerned, and Sakura’s mercurial nature was notorious. The fact that he rather enjoyed watching (and occasionally instigating) her rapid fluctuations in mood did not mean that he had a particular desire to sit on thumbtacks or be stuck to the tree again, and who knew what other childish attacks she had cached away.

Given that she was teammates with Uzumaki Naruto, he assumed there were many. 

At the thought of that blond menace, a sudden recollection of his foolish otouto falling victim to an Uzumaki whoopee cushion attack at the ramen stand crossed his mind, and he mentally shuddered at the prospect of experiencing such an indignity himself, even if Sakura were the only one to witness it. 

Or perhaps the prospect was abhorrent precisely _because_ she would be witness to it …

Suppressing a wry smirk at his own expense, Itachi realized that he had yet to read a single page of his book. It would appear that even in her absence, Haruno Sakura could disrupt his post-mission decompression ritual.

Yet he couldn't find it in himself to resent her. If anything, he was a bit disappointed by the fact that she wasn't there that afternoon. He supposed he had, on a certain level, been looking forward to another of their skirmishes after going four weeks without.

But perhaps Sakura did not feel the same? It occurred to him then that she might actually find him bothersome, not amusing, and truly wish for him to leave her alone. 

His brow furrowed. 

Hn.

It was true that he had been a bit of an "asshole" to her, as she put it, from the first time they had met in the glade. He could at least partially ascribe his behavior during that initial interaction to the disappointment of having anticipated a moment to relax after a grueling three-year mission, only to have that moment spoiled by the presence of someone else. 

However, that didn't fully explain all of his responses to her that day, nor did it explain the way he had acted around her during their subsequent encounters. Certainly, he was far more relaxed with Haruno Sakura than he was with anyone save Sasuke; he seemed to react to her on an almost instinctual level, some heretofore unknown part of himself drawn out by her fearless, defiant behavior.

He supposed it didn't hurt that she was beautiful ...

"Who knew that dark, brooding Uchiha Itachi would grow up to smile at smutty novels?" an amused voice cut into his thoughts. 

With an almost imperceptible start, Itachi looked up to find the object of his musings staring down at him, one gloved hand on her hip and a teasing smirk on her lips.

He narrowed his eyes, quickly brushing off the embarrassment of not having noticed her approach. "I do _not_ smile at smutty novels."

"Oh?" Sakura tilted her head to the side. "Then what were you smiling about just now?"

"Nothing of consequence. I simply happened to recall the time my brother sat on a whoopee cushion at Ichiraku," he said smoothly, substituting a white lie for the pure truth because it wouldn't do to have her knowing that the mere thought of her could make him smile—particularly when he himself hadn't been aware of that fact until that very moment.

Thankfully, Sakura seemed to buy his misdirection. "That _was_ pretty hilarious," she admitted with a light giggle. 

Itachi nodded. "Indeed."

He didn't elaborate, and after a moment or two of silence, she frowned. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" He raised a curious eyebrow.

"Say as little as possible until things get super awkward. Is it some sort of genetic defect, the inability to carry on a normal conversation? All you Uchiha seem to be like that." She paused. "Except Shisui-san."

It was Itachi's turn to tilt his head. "I would argue that it's Shisui who has the genetic defect."

"Because he's normal?" Sakura stuck her tongue out cheekily. 

Itachi resisted the urge to smile. "Because he's _not_ normal. No self-respecting Uchiha blathers on and on like a plebeian the way he does." 

"I don't appreciate your insinuation," Sakura said with an exaggerated glare. 

He feigned ignorance. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean." 

"Yes, you do … you implied that I am a plebeian." 

Her glare was becoming less exaggerated and more real, and he felt oddly gratified by it. This was what he had been looking for … the opportunity to push her buttons until she hissed at him like a very cute, very angry kitten. 

Smirking inwardly, Itachi supposed that if he had any defect, genetic or otherwise, it was this newfound addiction to irritating Haruno Sakura. Surely, it wasn't healthy … 

But, healthy or not, he couldn't resist. "I implied no such thing. You are, perhaps, even less capable of carrying on a 'normal', plebeian conversation than I—at least _I_ can communicate without frothing at the mouth."

"Frothing?" Sakura growled indignantly. "I do _not_ froth at the mouth."

He raised an eyebrow. "And how would you describe yourself right now?"

Her jaw clenched. "Like a woman who has to deal with probably the most annoying man on the planet."

"You give me too much credit, Haruno-san," Itachi demurred. 

"I give you no credit at all," she retorted. "In fact, if you weren't always here spoiling my alone time, I'd never think about you at all."

Had she not undermined her words by blushing, Itachi might have believed her, and he might have been just a tiny bit hurt. As it was, though, the blush and the fact that she turned her gaze away as she spoke told him she was lying, so, with a small, knowing smirk, he rose to his feet, leaving his book on the grass. 

His new position brought him close enough to her that he could breathe in the light floral scent of her shampoo, and her flush darkened as he leaned in until she was forced to meet his eyes. 

"Never?" he drawled. 

"Never," she said unconvincingly.

"Hn," he hummed. "I shall have to keep coming here then."

"And _that_ is why you're the most annoying man on the planet," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Being only human in the end, Itachi tried (and failed) not to glance down at it briefly, and when he looked at her again, he could tell that she'd noticed. 

"Pervert," she muttered, her scowling face as red as her namesake. 

In spite of what she said, Itachi got the distinct sense that she didn't mind at all … and that she hated herself for it. It amused him to no end.

"I hardly think it's fair for a reader of dimestore smut to call someone else a pervert," he said. 

"Reading smut does _not_ make you a pervert," Sakura argued. "And _Icha Icha_ is way better than that trashy dimestore stuff."

He regarded her skeptically. "Have you ever read anything other than that series?"

"Of course," she sniffed. "I read all the time."

"Don't be obtuse," Itachi sighed. "You know very well that I'm asking if you read erotic literature that isn't _Icha Icha_."

"I—" she started, then stopped and broke eye contact. 

"I'll take that as a 'no'," Itachi said. "Pity. You're truly missing out."

Sakura glared at him. "Fine, Mr. Fancy Pants. What do _you_ think I should be reading?"

He blinked. "'Mr. Fancy Pants'?"

One of her hands returned to her hip, which cocked out to the side in an alluring way. "Would you prefer 'Mr. I-Think-I'm-Better-Than-Everyone-Else-And-No-One-Can-Ever-Meet-My-Impossible-Standards-So-Why-Don't-They-All-Just-Die-Before-They-Embarrass-Themselves-Even-More-In-The-Face-Of-My-Unquestionable-Greatness'?" 

Itachi had to use all of his shinobi training to force down a laugh and keep his face neutral. "That would be quite the mouthful."

"'Mr. Fancy Pants' it is, then," Sakura concluded cheerfully.

Itachi didn't fight the urge to poke her forehead at that, and she grouchily rubbed the spot as he shot her a half-smile. "I don't see why you can't just use my actual name," he said. 

"'Mr. Fancy Pants' _is_ your actual name," she returned snarkily, but he saw the corner of her mouth twitch up as though she were resisting a laugh, and he decided to play along, hoping he could either bring out that laugh or make her bluster with irritation again; he wasn't picky. 

"Hn. It seems I have a complaint to lodge with my parents …" he murmured. "They've saddled me with a distinctly terrible name.

Sakura shook her head with melodramatic disbelief. "How could you not have known your own name after twenty-whatever years of being alive?" 

Itachi allowed himself a small shrug. "Twenty-five. And it seems that I required the aid of a cranky kunoichi to discover such an important fact about myself."

Sakura lifted a haughty eyebrow. "If I'm cranky, it's only because I have to put up with a guy who didn't even know his own name until two minutes ago but somehow still thinks he knows smut better than I do."

"You are aware that those are not mutually exclusive, are you not?" Itachi deadpanned.

She leveled a steely gaze at him. "I repeat, what would you have me read, Mr. Fancy Pants?"

Itachi considered her for a moment. "I believe I should consult my personal library for the ideal introduction to the world of quality erotic literature, as I suspect only the best will do for you, Haruno-san."

"Hmph. Naturally!"

"Then I will lend you the novel when I reach a decision. Is that satisfactory?"

Sakura’s face scrunched up as though she had been assailed by a particularly unpleasant odor. He found it rather adorable. 

"Does this mean I'll have to see you again?" she asked, the distaste in her tone belied by a hint of amusement in her eyes. 

"I expect it does," Itachi agreed with counterfeit chagrin. "It _is_ the most logical way of getting the book into your hands, after all."

It wasn't, but to his surprise, Sakura didn't appear inclined to point that out.

"Fine," she said. "I expect this recommendation soon, Uchiha-san."

"'Uchiha-san'? Am I no longer 'Mr. Fancy Pants'?" 

She glowered at him. "You're about to be 'Mr. Just-Got-Punched-In-The-Face-Cause-He-Can't-Keep-His-Damn-Mouth-Shut' ..." 

"I'm terrified," Itachi said flatly, his lack of terror evident in his relaxed stance. 

She seemed to pretend not to notice his facetiousness, just grumbling a petulant "You should be." 

He nodded in a "Yes, yes" sort of way but gave no verbal response. 

Dropping her arm to her side, Sakura hummed. "Well then, I'll leave you to it, Mr. Only-Escaped-A-Broken-Nose-Because-Of-Haruno-Sakura's-Grand-Benificence."

Itachi couldn't resist smirking lightly in amusement at her barbed goodbye, and he was fairly certain that he saw an answering smile on her lips as she turned away. He watched her leave the clearing, again struck by just how pretty she was. 

When the last glimpse of long pink hair had faded into the trees, Itachi reached for his book. It was then that he realized that Sakura hadn't once fought with him over ownership of the glade during her visit—in fact, all she'd done was bicker with him and leave. 

Interesting. 

It _was_ possible that she was working toward a new trap for him, but unless her goal had been to get him to lower his guard, he couldn't see how simply showing up and bantering could be prelude to an attack, and in any case, something made him think that perhaps she had come just to see him. 

Then again, his judgment may have been clouded by the fact that he _wanted_ her to have come just to see him.

Hn.

Deciding that he wasn't going to suddenly become able to read Haruno Sakura’s mind and that, therefore, it was senseless to continue attempting to do so, Itachi packed his book away and headed home. 

He had a recommendation to prepare. 

* * *

"Baka! You're getting broth everywhere, shoveling it in like that!" Sakura scolded loudly as she whacked Naruto upside the head. 

He winced but didn't stop eating. "S-v'ry, S-v'k'ra-ch'n," he mumbled around a mouthful of noodles, inevitably spraying more broth at her. 

"Ugh!" she shouted, then promptly shoved him off his stool.

With all the ninja grace he only showed when something really important was happening, Naruto managed to keep the bowl of ramen from tipping over with him, and he shot a triumphant fist into the air before hopping to his feet and resuming his place at the bar. 

"Sakura-chan, you're so mean!" he whined even as he dug back into his meal. 

Sasuke snorted from where he sat on Naruto’s other side. "Dobe."

"I see your team is as lively as ever, Kakashi-senpai."

At the sound of the deep, measured voice interrupting their squabble, Sakura's heart skipped a beat. She didn't need to turn around to confirm the identity of the speaker, but she looked behind her anyway in an attempt to appear normal. When she caught sight of familiar dark hair and pale skin, she felt a tiny flutter in her stomach.

Man, she hated him. 

Itachi had approached Ichiraku on her side, stopping just a foot or so away from her. To her utter annoyance, he (clearly deliberately) didn't spare her a glance, reserving his attention instead for her erstwhile sensei. 

And here she'd thought they'd tacitly agreed to an armistice ... 

"Hmph," she snorted under her breath as she spun back around, giving him the cold shoulder. _Yeah, right_ … _peace with that jerk?_

"Aa, Itachi, that they are," Kakashi replied wearily from his place beside Sasuke. 

Sakura felt Itachi shift a little closer to her, and she stiffened, chopsticks frozen above her steaming bowl. 

"I would at least have expected Haruno-san to conduct herself with some measure of decorum," he said, and even if she were fully aware that he was baiting her (like usual), Sakura could barely contain an angry growl. As it was, when she spoke, her voice held a dangerous edge to it that had Naruto scooting away, arms held protectively around his ramen. 

"I doubt you know me well enough to make an observation like that, Uchiha-san," she ground out.

"I don't?" he asked with a markedly fake innocent tone, and Sakura whirled around in her seat, glaring daggers.

She was only too cognizant that Sasuke's eyes were darting between her and Itachi, a slight frown of confusion marring his features, and even Kakashi had begun watching them with mild interest, though he was far less obvious about it. Their clear sense that _something_ unusual was going on had Sakura’s cheeks flaming pink. 

"You do not," she said firmly. 

"Hn," Itachi mused as he pulled a scarlet-colored paperback from his pouch. "Perhaps I was wrong to think that you would enjoy this, then …"

Black eyes alight with mischievousness, he reached around her shoulder (far too closely for comfort, she thought) and set the book on the bar beside her. 

Sakura automatically glanced down at it. Upon seeing the cover, she colored even more and quickly swiped it off and into her own pouch, unwilling to risk her teammates seeing what it was by trying to give it back to the bane of her existence.

"I don't see why you'd think I would," she retorted, the numerous ways she could murder him scrolling through her mind as she narrowed her eyes. That asshole hadn't even had the decency to put a fake cover on it! 

To make things worse, Itachi merely inclined his head. "My mistake."

It didn't escape Sakura's notice that he hadn't actually apologized, and, not for the first time, she wanted to break his annoyingly aquiline nose with a good, solid right hook. 

No doubt reading her thoughts, Itachi smirked his irritating, attractive little smirk as he bent down until his mouth brushed her ear. To her dismay, Sakura couldn't suppress a shudder when his warm breath blew lightly through the fine hairs at her temple. 

"I suspect you'll enjoy it anyway," he murmured, then pulled back as abruptly as he'd leaned down. To the whole group, he nodded primly. "Please pardon my interruption; it was not my intention to intrude."

_The hell it wasn't,_ Sakura thought bitterly, and she made sure to telegraph that sentiment when Itachi looked at her briefly over his shoulder as he walked away. 

All she got in return was another small smirk. 

"What was that about?" Sasuke demanded as soon as his brother was out of sight. 

Sakura ground her teeth together. "We happened to run into each other the other day. He had a book he thought I'd be interested in, that's all," she bit out, doing her best to sound nonchalant. She was going to kill Itachi for this if it was the last thing she did.

Of course, Sasuke wasn't satisfied with her answer. "How would he know what you're interested in?" 

Sakura shrugged as casually as she could manage. "He knows I work at the hospital. The subject of the book is related." 

Technically, it wasn't a lie—with a title like _The Passion of Patient 426_ and a somewhat abstract but still obvious cover image of a stethoscope lying between a pair of perky breasts, Sakura knew that the novel Itachi had so publicly given her had something to do with medicine.

As if suddenly returning to the land of people who don't subsist entirely on ramen, Naruto leaned back and patted his distended stomach. "Sounds boring."

His comment seemed to break the tension, and Sakura gratefully took the opportunity to escape. "I've got to run … early shift tomorrow. Bye, guys!"

Without waiting for anyone to stop her, she walked quickly away from the stand—but not so quickly that she didn't hear Naruto’s indignant squawk when he realized that she hadn't paid and his second, louder squawk when he saw that Kakashi had also bailed without paying. 

Sakura grinned. _Serves him right for spraying me with soup all night ..._

* * *

"Takeru-kun …" Sakura sang flirtatiously, leaning over the counter to give the young post office clerk a good view down the front of her shirt. Although she had been trained in seduction techniques like every adult kunoichi, she had never actually used them—had never thought she _would_ use them, in fact, but she was discovering that there were a number of boundaries she was willing to break for the sake of revenge. 

Itachi seemed to bring that out in her, the bastard. 

"How can I help you, Haruno-san?" Takeru asked from behind the counter. His eyes never left Sakura’s chest, and she barely managed to avoid letting her disgust show on her face. 

"I have a favor to ask. It's _really important …_ " she said, playing up the damsel in distress act. "I have this package here, you see?" She placed a rectangular box of about twelve or so inches in length on the counter. "It's kind of a prank, so I've got it addressed to one person, but I actually need it delivered somewhere else … do you think that's something you could do for me, Takeru-kun?"

Sakura's eyes pleaded with him through eyelashes darkened by a layer of mascara, and her glossed lips curled into a hint of a pout. 

Takeru's cheeks flushed, and he looked down at the package. When he saw the addressee, though, his eyes widened. "You're playing a prank on Uchiha Itachi? As in _the_ Uchiha Itachi?"

Sakura nodded, biting her lower lip shyly. 

"Haruno-san, are you sure you want to do that?" To his credit, Takeru sounded genuinely concerned. 

"There's no need to worry, Takeru-kun. Itachi and I are old … friends." _And by "friends", I mean "mortal enemies,"_ Sakura thought, but outwardly she just smiled, crinkling her eyes Kakashi-style.

Takeru regarded her uncertainly. "Are you sure, Haruno-san? I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you."

"It's so sweet of you to be concerned for me," Sakura purred. "But I'll be fine—I promise."

Seemingly still unsure, Takeru nonetheless took the package from her. "Where do you need it to go?"

"Here," Sakura replied, sliding a sheet of paper across the counter. 

Takeru's eyes widened again. "Are you _sure_ you're sure about this, Haruno-san?"

She leaned just a little bit closer and pursed her lips. "Please, Takeru-kun? For me?"

"Okay," he sighed finally. "If you're sure."

"Oh, thank you so much!" Sakura clasped her hands together in front of her chest. Takeru's eyes predictably followed the movement.

"When do you want it delivered?" he asked.

"Is tomorrow too soon?" Sakura hoped not—both Itachi and the recipient of her package were between missions then, so it was the perfect time to put her plan into action. 

Thankfully, Takeru nodded. "I can do that, Haruno-san."

Sakura placed a hand on his. "You're the best, Takeru-kun!" she said sweetly, even though she was cringing on the inside. 

Damn Itachi for making her stoop to this level …

* * *

Mid-afternoon the next day, a tentative knock on his front door interrupted Itachi as he was filling out a request form for new vests for his team. 

He hated to admit it, but his first thought was that perhaps Sakura had come over to take revenge upon him for his actions the previous night, but that thought was quickly quashed when he remembered that Sakura wouldn't have bothered to knock … she would have simply smashed his door in. 

Amused by the mental image, Itachi reached out his senses to assess his visitor's chakra signature. When he realized who it was, he frowned slightly. Why would Sasuke knock? He usually let himself right in. 

Curious, Itachi opened the door to find his adorable otouto fidgeting and holding a box at a peculiar distance from his body. Sasuke seemed to be studiously avoiding eye contact, and there was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. 

What on earth was going on? 

"Sasuke," Itachi greeted. "You could have just come in."

Sasuke looked down, then to the side. "I—" He cleared his throat. "I didn't want to interrupt in case you were—busy …"

"I wasn't doing anything particularly important," Itachi said, completely bewildered. There had never been an issue before. 

"Ah … that's good." 

Sasuke sounded surprisingly relieved, if still uncomfortable, and Itachi opened the door wider to encourage him in. "Has something happened?" 

Without answering, Sasuke entered the house in a manner that could only be described as trepidatious, his eyes scanning the entire living area as though he were looking for something he desperately didn't want to find. 

When he finally seemed satisfied that whatever was making him wary was not present, he walked into the kitchen. Itachi followed silently behind, waiting for an explanation for his brother's odd behavior. 

"Nii-san …" Sasuke started, his cheeks flushing in a way that Itachi hadn't seen since they were little. "I think this package was meant for you."

Looking grateful to be rid of the thing, Sasuke handed the box to Itachi, who accepted it with a bemused frown. 

"I didn't …" Sasuke said quietly. "I didn't realize you were into that sort of thing, nii-san."

_What sort of thing?_

Even more bewildered, Itachi inspected the package. When he saw the cherry red logo of the sender, he very nearly dropped it. "Wh—?"

He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so caught off guard (because he chose to ignore Sakura’s thumbtack attack … and her superglue assault … and the other day, when she had managed to sneak up on him). 

All of a sudden, Itachi knew exactly what was going on … _this_ was Sakura’s retaliation for last night. 

Glancing up at Sasuke's burning cheeks and hunched shoulders, Itachi had to give her credit. As (embarrassingly) embarrassed as he was that she'd sent a package addressed to him from the village's most notorious kinky sex shop and had it delivered "by mistake" to Sasuke, he couldn't deny that he was rather impressed ... Sakura had exacted retribution commensurate with his crime—he had teased her in front of her important people, so she had taunted him in front of one of his own. 

He supposed he should be grateful at least that she'd chosen to send it to Sasuke and not his parents …

With an internal sigh, Itachi faced his brother, a part of him regretting his spontaneous decision to give Sakura the book when he happened to spot her at Ichiraku … he should have known that indulging a rare impulse like that would end poorly for him. 

"Sasuke, I assure you, this is a mistake," he said seriously. 

Sasuke was unconvinced. "But it's addressed to you …" 

This time, Itachi did sigh aloud. "I believe I've been the victim of a practical joke."

"Who would dare to play a joke on you?" Sasuke asked incredulously. 

_A beautiful, infuriating, challenging woman_ , Itachi thought as he shrugged. "Someone fearless, I expect."

"Nii-san … it's okay if you are actually …" Sasuke mumbled, his cheeks reddening as he stared out the window. 

"Foolish little brother, do not attempt to create a mountain out of a molehill. This is a prank, nothing more. And once I find the culprit, I will ensure that they … repent." Itachi smirked wickedly.

Giving him a final, skeptical look, Sasuke nodded. "All right, nii-san. I'll leave you to your … work."

"Hn. I appreciate your making me aware of this grave offense, otouto," Itachi said as they walked toward the door. 

Sasuke coughed an awkward "no problem." He had returned to avoiding eye contact, and he shuffled about awkwardly for another moment before "hn"ing and taking his leave. 

After seeing his brother off, Itachi returned to the kitchen to find out exactly which scandalous item Sakura had decided to purchase for him, though by the shape of the package, he suspected he already knew. 

A quick swipe of a kunai, and he was indeed faced with an excessively large, ribbed dildo as expected, though it was in a bright pink shade that surprised him. In retrospect, it shouldn't have; it was very like Sakura to add that sort of touch. 

Feeling something akin to affection, Itachi slid open the envelope that contained the accompanying note, and he almost chuckled aloud when he read it:

_Mr. Fancy Pants,_

_I know you said you prefer to be on the giving end in the bedroom, but I suspect you'll enjoy this anyway._

— _HS_

_She really is amusing_ , Itachi thought as he packed the "gift" back up. Perhaps his spontaneous act had been worth it after all, if only in that it afforded him the opportunity to witness a clever reprisal on the part of a woman who continued to fascinate him more and more with every encounter.

_Captivating_ , he decided while he tucked the package away in his closet. _She is captivating._

And he wouldn't want her any other way. 


End file.
